♥

Michael: Hey, hey, hey!

Oscar: Michael, are you having money problems?

Michael: Monkey problem? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?

Oscar: You heard me correctly.

Michael: I hate monkeys.

Pam: What's going on, why do you have a second job?

Michael: I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Sommers.

Pam: Doesn't Jan have money?

Michael: I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude and unsexual.

Kevin: True, it's best to hide our money problems from women.

Michael: I totally agree with you. But I don't have money problems, I don't. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this? [Michael takes out a dollar bill, crumples it up and puts it back in his pocket]

Stanley: You just put it back in your pocket.

Michael: Yeah, but I destroyed it. It's not even usable anymore.

-The Office.